She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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