woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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