just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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