highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
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Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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