you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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