Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize