wat bout pragnant strippers??
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
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I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
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We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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