You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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