My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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