Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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