I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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