Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
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did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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