You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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