Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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