Ambien. No doubt about it.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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