Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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