Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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