im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
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Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
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I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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