Taylor Swift is so right about you.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
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apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
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Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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