He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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