after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
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I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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