I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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