That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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