I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize