Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize