The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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