Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize