my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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