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That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
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