When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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