There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize