Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize