I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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