dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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