Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
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Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
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I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
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