He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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