Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
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Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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