Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
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After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
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I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have already put on my inside pants.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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