he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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