if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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