alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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