he told me I talked like a deaf person
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
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She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
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Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just want to make out with him forever
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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