i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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