in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
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Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
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My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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