I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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