Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
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The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
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Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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