Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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