I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
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You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
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Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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