I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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