I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
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We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
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My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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